I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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