dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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