When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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