I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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