i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
