so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Say something about gay babies.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
