I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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