just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
