I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
