Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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