Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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