My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
