bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
