Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
