In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
