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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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