Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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