Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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