last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
