their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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