Nicole vs. Life
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
