The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
