i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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