my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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