You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
