is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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