If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
