Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
