You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
