my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
