we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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