I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
