i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
