Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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