One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
