I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you inspire me to be a worse person
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
