need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize