I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
