last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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