Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
