Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize