I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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