the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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