Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
