were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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