she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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