Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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