worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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