What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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