everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
