you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
