i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
