I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize