I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
