shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
