Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
