The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
