I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
