My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
