one might say we're banned from that church
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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