I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
