When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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