She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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