Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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