as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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