shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
