Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
