i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
