Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
