Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
