A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
