I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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