im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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