if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize