So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
