just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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