i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
