Having a random hookup so left but love u
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
