spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
