At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
