Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
