Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Porn is love you can see.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
