Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm both gender and math confused
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
