I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
