i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
