Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
