i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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