Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
