I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
