Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
