Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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