my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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