handjob tips. give me some.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
