If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
