Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
